2011年9月11日星期日

If you forget me - Neruda


I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine




我要你知道一件事。

这是你懂得的:
如果我
透过我的窗口,注视那水晶的月亮,
在缓慢的秋天和红色的树枝旁;
如果我触摸
那火焰
似有似无的灰烬
或者那层层褶皱的木柴
所有这些都把我带向你
仿佛那存在的一切,
金属,芬芳,光亮,
都是小船
向着
你在等我的,那些属于你的岛屿航行。

好了,现在
假如你渐渐停止爱我
我也会一点点停止爱你。

如果你
突然忘记我
别来找我,
因为我将早已把你忘怀。

如果你认为那穿过我生活
的猎猎疾风
漫长而疯狂,
如果你决定
在我已经扎根的
心的堤岸上离开我
记住
在那一天,
在那个时刻,
我将抬起我的手臂
而我的根也将动身
去寻找另一片土地。

可是
如果在每一天,
在每个时刻,
你感觉你是我注定的
不安宁的甜蜜
如果每一天都有一朵花
为寻找我而攀上你的红唇
啊,我的爱,我的心,
所有的火焰都将不灭的燃烧,
不灭,不忘记 -
我的爱源于你的爱,亲爱的人,
情长今生
不离开你我的臂弯

3 条评论:

  1. I thought of this music when I read your post. I know. It is all too well known. Even an 8 year old who just began to learn piano wants to play it. But I have to admit it, this song is the most favorite of all my favorite songs, the most touching love music of all the love music I know, the saddest elegy of all the sad elegies I know. Even today, every single time I listened to it, it spears through my heart and it heals my soul.
    I fell in love with Daniel Barenboim’s rendition. The tempo of his play was eerily moving and mysteriously drowning me in it deeper and deeper.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E10K73GvCKU
    It stuck on me ever since my two year older brother died of leukemia when I was 13. The timing couldn’t have been worse, and it was the worst thing when someone that you played with all the time dies during the time you are the most sensitive.
    One day in October, I found him lying in bed when I came back home from school. I asked Mom what happened to him. She said that he fell and could not walk. A few days he got hospitalized and Mom and Dad alternatively stayed at the hospital. I could only see one of them at a time sleeping at home, and my two older sisters were taking care of me. One day, I could visit him with my sisters, because they said he was better now. I was happy to see him walking around, even though very slowly, and see mom and dad.
    Just two nights before Christmas, the phone rang and my sister picked it up. She left home so that night I slept with my other sister in our big house.
    When my parents and aunt coming through the main door with tears in their eyes, I instinctly knew what happened. Aunt told me that he died in the hospital. I cried. And I cried. After a while, I went up to the roof, and looked up the sky. It was a cold, crisp day with the spotless blue sky. I was very angry and had to scream internally, why did you have to take him away! Today is Christmas Eve! I was too upset because it was supposed to be a happy day and the weather seemed to be too perfect for things like this to happen.
    But it happened. So that year, I lost my brother and Christmas just like that. That was not the end of the story, however. It was the turning point of my life. The first music I wanted to listen to was the moonlight sonata. While the loss was unbearable, I also discovered something new began within me. I wrote about my experience and that became my first story book. I wrote several more stories, but I never pursued to publish them, because I knew I would not become a novelist. Also, I took the very first step of my long journey into philosophy, history, religion, life and death. My love of music eventually replaced him.
    I was traveling against the flow of time. As layers of my thoughts and pains were uncovered layer by layer, I finally reached the beginning of the whole thing. For the first time in many, many years, I dreamed of my brother and brought back the photographically carved moments of that day from my deep memory.

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  2. This is a piece of very sad music. I used to learn to play it but my hand was too small for the larger than one octave span of the notes. I listened to Ron S playing in his church in August. The church was silent, with the music going on and I felt somewhere in my heart being touched by the music. I couldn't tell why, then I started to learn this piece again. I only play it when it is cloudy - it is not a song for the golden state I guess.

    I'm very sorry to hear your story when you were very young. I couldn't image what it would bring to a young child's heart. It must be painful and bewildering, full of uncertainties and shadows. I can understand now why you turned to philosophy and all that. It sure would change one's whole life. I was very surprised when you first told me you like to write. Too many people nowadays only do things, they don't care to think, to think hard.

    I was raised in a very happy family and nothing was really wrong about my life. The only downs I had was to be live with a bunch of kids that were diagnosed with blood cancer for a week. I started crying when I thought of life and death - but everything was vague about myself - I dare not to think my death too much - it's all about others who struggle to live a life even when hospitalized with severe conditions. You are right, 13 is the most sensitive age. It happened to me at 13 too. I think people will be soft when they have experienced something like that, something with life and death. I feel lucky to have a soft heart. I feel lucky to be able to sympathize, to be compliant and yet strong enough to see this non perfect world.

    I still feel uneasy when I listen to the Moonlight. In that sense Clair de Lune by Debussy may be better. I don't know when, I grow into the habit of not allowing myself to listen to sad music too much. I think it was when I was in Ohio. Does that mean I'm not ready for sadness and misfortune of life? I ask myself that question too. But I feel the strength inside me, and from you too. Because I see in you humanity, hope towards the world and people - I feel hopeful for the adulthood again - at some point I feel reluctant to be in a real world as grown ups since they all seem very realistic and not caring about being soft and understanding, being idealistic.

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  3. How strange it is that we experienced something similar at the same age even though we grew up in different places and in different times! Leukemia is a kind of blood cancer… Did you happen to see a soul that resembled my brother’s among the kids? Did you happen to have the heart that resembled mine? You freak me out.

    I wanted to tell you my story so that you could see there were specific course of events (may I call it fate?) that influenced my path and formed what I am today. I wonder what is it that made you ponder over such heavy subjects. I wish you don’t burden yourself too much like I did to myself.

    Not at all am I boasting I know more about life than you because I went through more or I lived longer than you. I am sure your pains were just strong as my pains, your love was as intense as my love, and your joy was as exciting as my joy.

    I am amazed at how much of myself I could see in you. Still, I am happy to know that in every single way you are better than me. You are a little behind me as well, so I wish my footprints may guide you to a safer and easier way. I know you are full of curiosity and inquisitiveness, and at times you may even feel like you want to face extreme pains in search of meaning. I would say you don’t have to do it yourself in order to understand the meaning of your life. I haven’t told you all the things I went through. But if someone asks me if I were willing to go through my life again because those tough years have made me wiser, I would say no. My life is not even that hard compared to many others’ and I haven’t lived that many years yet. I just want you to be happy.

    Thanks for allowing me a space here. I am especially grateful that it is not like talking to myself looking at a wall but there is at least one listening heart that is very warm, caring, and loving. I never imagined that I would end up opening up myself like this wide open. I don’t even know how I did it. But now I feel like I have some room to put in something bright and good, after letting out some of the sorrow. Thank you for embracing my darkness. Maybe… I can try to give a listen to Debussy instead of Beethoven without faking my feelings any more.

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