I wish you a happy birthday, mommy. If I was ever mad at you, if I ever broke your heart and made you cry - please forgive me. As I will always be your baby. I know I grew up with your laughter and tears, worries and wishes - and I am very proud to be your daughter.
I will not be me, without you.
There are a lot of things I just wish I could forget all about. There are a few things I want to chronicle every single thing. On your birthday last year, I barely knew you. One more of your birthday ago, I didn't even know you existed.
回复删除You probably don’t fully know what you have done for me. You were like a catalyst. You helped me begin transform. I don't know what these changes will lead me to. I just know that they are something positive and I can look forward to.
For all those years, I never revealed my true self to other people. As soon as I was running out of my small positive side, there was no more I could share with them. I could never become close enough to anybody.
You gave me such a big gift to me, but how come the beginning was so insignificant that I don't even remember how we got to become friends like we are now? At least I am trying to remember every single moment that has happened recently in my head with gratitude. Indeed, it is a surprising turn of my life.
While you may struggle with all the uncertainties lying in front of you, I am slowly turning around and starting to see a ray of light in the middle of night. I can’t thank you enough for this, and I am so sorry that I cannot be a better friend to you.
Fate is a funny thing. I still wonder what fate is really about. Are the courses of our lives predetermined already? No matter what I try, I will not be able to change my fate? Say, there is something I really want to have... If I just try one more time, or ten times, would I be able to get it? Or are even my convictions and determination already written in my fate book as well as the outcomes?
Sometimes I really hate this thing called fate. Things that totally screwed my life started with little or no fathomable reasons or consequences. Sometimes the fate throws me a precious gem with no apparent reasons or causes. It doesn't give me any explanation and I am so tired of searching for why, how, and even what.
Now that I have seen this gem, I am already becoming too greedy like Gollum… My precious… But he was miserably destroyed.
I will be careful not to become Gollum myself. When I thought about Thanksgiving this time, I just thought about your birth, and you deserve every single thank I can give.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u69CkyLJUKU
What is fate? This is a good question. If you think about your life, you feel like all the pain and joy were just there waiting for you. I have become calm as I know I will never anticipate what will happen in the next corner of my life. I still don't know exactly what I did to "transform" you. I was amazed at what you felt - maybe I am not old enough to understand. Or maybe my life has been too smooth.
回复删除I remember a passage I read when I was in high school. I read it again and again and it certainly has transformed me, in a sense that I become more sensitive to the world. I starts to love words and literature - it is as though you were walking in dark all the time and suddenly you looked up and saw the stars. Other people may feel it's normal, but for me it was bright enough to make me full of tears.
That's the amazement of friendship. There are so many things you don't want to say to your family in fear that they will be worried about you, but you need someone to support you when you feel weak, tortured and wary. People come from different parts of the world and get to know each other. They become friends. They share the happiness and sorrow. They give each other comforting words and useful suggestions. At the end of the day, even when the worlds are collapsed I feel worthwhile that I have lived.
So enjoy life when you can! As long as you are still alive and capable of thinking, you shall feel the amazement of life. I'm glad you become more optimistic - I feel happy for you too! I hope when I turn your age I will still be that optimistic :)